10 Ways We Exclude Our Colleagues
Everyone knows what exclusion feels like.
I highly doubt that there isn’t anyone in the world who has avoided feelings of being excluded. You know the ones. The ones that make you feel isolated, disrespected, not good enough, smart enough or something else enough. The ones that make you ask, “What’s wrong with me?” “What did I do wrong?” “What do they have that I don’t?”
These sentiments do not feel like the ones that come with common rejection that are simply a part of life, like not getting the job, receiving a college rejection letter, or losing a sale to a competitor. It goes deeper and feels more personal.
Maybe you were repeatedly rejected for a spot on the playground sports team or the last one to be picked – thus making the team by default. Perhaps you’re the one who is “forgotten” every time there is a team lunch or after work happy hour. Possibly, you’re the most knowledgeable person in the meeting on the topic at hand and ignored or interrupted each time you try to get a word in.
Are you a workplace exclusionist?
An exclusionist is someone, whether intentionally or not, creates an environment where certain individuals or groups feel unwelcome, marginalized or left out. They may use their attitudes and beliefs to justify their behaviors and boast “I gotta be me”.
Exclusionist(s) prevent others from participating either not at all or in a limited capacity. When pressed for an explanation, they provide no real reason or insights that may improve your interactions of participation in the future.
Sadly, there are exclusionists in every workplace, and they make it difficult for everyone to be their best self and thrive within the organization. They erode confidence, create self-doubt, and cause undue stress – especially when they are in positions of power.
Left to draw your own conclusions, you may label them as jerk, idiot or impossible to work with.
In a (perfect) and inclusive world…..
The workplace is not only a place where we perform our duties and collect a paycheck; it’s also a place where we connect and build relationships. It’s the strength of those relationships that can make collaboration more effective, teamwork more productive and coworkers feel valued. The stronger the relationship, the more comfortable we are in being ourselves, voicing our opinions and contributing ideas.
Exclusionists make this type of relationship impossible to achieve. I have battled with exclusionists my entire life from so-called friends, family members, bosses, and yes, colleagues. In my experience, there are 10 things that exclusionists do in the workplace that I consider to be the most harmful. This is by far not an exhaustive list, but the one’s I experience most often.
Exclusionists Behaviors
Operate with double standards
Demonstrate favoritism for those most like themselves
Make derogatory jokes
Infallible and are closed to an opposing point of view
Ridicule or judge people for being different
Refuse to pronounce a colleague’s name correctly - even after being corrected
Blame others for being “too sensitive” when called out on microaggressions
Monopolizing meetings or conversations - blocking diverse perspectives
Disregarding a colleagues pronouns
Blame others for their ineptness
If anyone models more than one of these behaviors regularly, they win the “exclusionist title.”
Honestly, even one of those behaviors performed consistently is too much– but no one is perfect. The goal is to recognize the actions and learn to avoid them. Exclusionist behaviors that go unchecked create toxic or hostile work environments for individuals, revolving doors for employers and may expose organizations to litigation.
No one is doomed to be forever an exclusionist. The first step to living and working inclusively starts with the willingness to change.