When “Happy” Holidays Just Isn’t True

How many times during the holiday season do you say:

“Happy Thanksgiving!”

“Merry Christmas!”

“Happy Holidays!”

We say these without a second thought.

But the truth is, for many people, “happy this” and “merry that” just isn’t true.

Those words land on a life that doesn’t feel happy at all.

As the holiday season officially kicks off, many of us will be searching for strength. For some, it may mean getting through family dinner without another argument about politics or identity.

For others, it’s the practiced “I’m ok” while grieving someone who won’t be at the table this year. And for too many, it’s finding the stamina to face another day without enough food, money, or support.

Strength, especially right now, is deeply relative. As we define what it means for ourselves, we also have to remember those whose strength comes from the quiet kindness of others.

And here’s the part we often forget - some of those people are our colleagues, direct reports, and leaders. The very people we interact with almost every day may be carrying silent burdens like grief, debt, loneliness, complicated family dynamics, or the weight of not celebrating the dominant holidays at all.

Surveys show that roughly half of Americans report sadness or loneliness during this season and would skip the holidays altogether if they could. More than half of workers say their stress actually increases during the holidays, and about one in five report that their overall well-being declines.

So, when we talk about “strength” at work this time of year, we need to be very clear about what we’re praising.

Strength is not:

• Forcing a smile through burnout and grief so we look “engaged.”

• Saying yes to every social invite or extra assignment because we don’t want to be seen as “not a team player.”

• Swallowing our own beliefs whether religious, spiritual, or non-religious just to fit into a Christmas-centric version of “holiday spirit.”

Strength is:

• Being honest about our capacity and asking for what we need.

• Making space for colleagues whose lives, finances, and traditions don’t match the Instagram version of the holidays.

• Using whatever power we have as leaders, peers, or ERG members to make sure no one pays a career tax for honoring their own beliefs, or for not having the energy to perform cheer on demand.

From an inclusion lens, the holidays are a stress test of culture.

If your workplace only “lights up” for the Christmas season, people who are Muslim, Jewish, Sikh, Hindu, Indigenous, from other faith traditions, questioning, spiritual-but-not-religious, or atheist are quietly told that their identities live in the margins.

Religious inclusion is increasingly recognized as a must-have for engagement and belonging. As we move through the daze of holly, maybe strength this year isn’t about how much we can endure alone.

Maybe real strength is how gently we hold space for one another across grief and joy, belief and non-belief, tradition and difference, so that more of us make it into the new year with our humanity intact.