Moments We Exclude Without Realizing It
There’s an invisible line between exclusion and inclusion.
It’s a line we cross with the blink of an eye. You’re at work, heading into a meeting, and without thinking, you sit next to the colleague you always sit next to. Across the room, someone new to the team hesitates by the door, scanning for an open, welcoming spot. No one notices. The meeting starts. Your new teammate quietly takes a seat.
Exclusion isn’t always loud. It’s often silent, unnoticed, and unintentional, but its impact is undeniable.
The Small Moments That Speak Volumes
Exclusion doesn’t always look like outright rejection. It shows up in the everyday moments:
🎯 A colleague’s idea goes unheard until someone else repeats it.
🎯 The same people are invited to happy hour, while others are consistently left out.
🎯 Someone is introduced in a way that diminishes their expertise i.e., “She’s new,” instead of “She brings years of experience in…”
🎯 In conversations, we default to those who make us comfortable instead of intentionally engaging someone different.
Each of these moments may seem small, but they add up, shaping who feels valued and heard while simultaneously spotlighting who is invisible.
The Weight of Being Overlooked
Think back to a time when you were left out or sidelined. Imagine that it happens repeatedly. Perhaps you aren’t invited to a key meeting, involved in a project that is clearly aligned with your expertise, or have your contributions dismissed. That feeling sticks and impacts morale, engagement, confidence, and even performance.
Studies show that exclusion triggers the same part of the brain as physical pain. It’s not just “all in our heads.” It has real psychological and emotional effects. Organizations feel the pain too. It may manifest through higher turnover, reputational damage or reduced innovation and creativity.
Choosing Inclusion Every Day
The good news? Just like exclusion, inclusion is built in the small moments. We can choose to notice, invite, and engage in ways that shift the culture around us. Here’s how:
▶️ Notice Who’s Missing
In meetings, team outings, and casual conversations, be aware of who’s participating. If the same voices dominate discussions, intentionally invite someone else in: “I’d love to hear your take on this,” and genuinely listen.
▶️ Expand Your Circle
We naturally gravitate toward those most like us. Challenge yourself to connect with someone new. Invite a remote a colleague to a virtual lunch or engage in conversation with someone outside your usual group.
▶️ Recognize and Amplify Others
If someone’s contribution is overlooked, speak up. A simple “That’s a great point. [Colleague’s name] brought that up earlier” ensures credit is given where it’s due.
▶️ Be Intentional With Your Invitations
When planning meetings, projects, or social events, think about who should be there or may be interested. Don’t assume people know they’re welcome. Make the invitation clear.
▶️ Make Inclusion a Habit, Not a One-Time Effort
Inclusion isn’t about one big initiative; it’s about daily decisions. The more we practice it, the more natural it becomes and the more we create a culture where everyone can belong.
The Choice Is Yours
Every day, in every interaction, we have a choice: 1) to default to what’s comfortable or 2) to make the extra effort to invite others in. The impact of that choice ripples through teams, organizations, and communities.
So, who will you notice today? Who will you invite in? (Do it now before you forget)